Tag Archives: Positivity

The Chemo Diaries: Summer Maintenance

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One of the fun things about chemotherapy is the surprise side effects that pop up, differing from one round to the next. For the most part, after you’ve had a few rounds, you know what to expect in broad terms. Some issues get cumulatively more pronounced, others perhaps seem less so. But the element of surprise is always there with something.

When I switched from the three drug infusion that was designed to beat the cancer cells with a sledge hammer, to a single drug infusion that is basically intended to keep tapping at those cells in a more gentle fashion, I noticed a huge difference in how I felt during the critical week that followed. After six rounds of the hard stuff, it had been really getting to me. My body, as healthy as it otherwise is, was feeling a bit worse for wear. I was exhausted. I felt like I had a brain cloud. Then suddenly, after the maintenance infusion cycles began, it was like a weight had been lifted. It wasn’t necessary for me to take my anti-nausea meds anymore. I could think (relatively) more clearly.

There were still side effects, though. The chemo still made me tired, still had smaller versions of the same things that had been bothering me before. Now my feet were puffy, then it would be something else. Another cycle or so in and some of the issues I had been so happy to avoid seemed to come back again, perhaps in a lighter dose, and I spent a couple weeks with some truly odd gastrointestinal issues before going in for another in my string of exciting CT scans. Continue reading The Chemo Diaries: Summer Maintenance →

Vanity

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I was reading a friend’s blog post a while back, a personal rant she shot off about tolerance (especially among the particular Christian community of which she considers herself a part) in response to Bruce Jenner’s transition to Caitlyn. I had not realized (at that time) that this was a big deal, or even anything particularly new to discuss, but then I have been living in Los Angeles for about 30 years and this sort of thing is long past novel for me. I know that there are plenty of bigots and idiots in Southern California, but I’ve been fortunate enough to surround myself with, if not always like-minded, at least open-minded individuals for most of my time here. I am also fairly confident that even my oldest friends from rural Illinois who remain entrenched in “Middle America” are soundly rooted in kindness and tolerance. In my well-lived-in fantasy world, it often seems that most narrow-minded people exist strictly as online trolls, waiting to lob their tirades at rational science or reasonably centrist political viewpoints. Then, every now and again, I wake up and venture outside.

For a long time, I’ve been repeating my belief that much of what is wrong with our particular society is rooted in a lack of Critical Thinking Skills. And I believe that tolerance, in general, is indicative of that same problem. If we, as a culture, were to exercise better critical thinking, then bigotry of all types should readily dissipate. After all, bigotry stems from a certain dogmatic thought process which is destroyed by self-examination and a broader understanding of how things actually work and fit together. Therefore, any thoughtful group of people ought to find that their differences make them stronger and unite them better, unless those differences are Continue reading Vanity →

Ignoring the Plumbing: Never a Good Plan

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Ignoring the plumbing is one of those things that always seems to lead to more problems (and expenses) down the road. Good maintenance is the best practice for a cost-effective and hopefully long life of the system. This is true, not just for our own bodies, but also quite literally when it comes to household plumbing.

wpid-20150108_144118.jpgNot long after I began my chemotherapy, I realized that I had been putting off some of my own maintenance for far too long. In this case, it was a wobbly toilet in the main bathroom, where one of the bolts that used to hold it securely in position against the floor had rusted away and, not long after, the seal on the caulk had come loose. Realization struck that it was only a matter of time until something would go terribly wrong, and I imagined all sorts of disasters I did not want to deal with following an infusion (or pretty much any other time, ever).

I had looked into toilet repair on YouTube. Since that is how I solve most of my plumbing issues, I watched a five-minute video on how to install a wax ring and set a toilet properly. Everything was ready, except that my kit from Home Depot was missing the actual wax ring it was supposed to include with all the other bits of hardware. Fortunately, I noticed that before taking the toilet off the floor. Continue reading Ignoring the Plumbing: Never a Good Plan →

Clip Show: Cancer Edition 2

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Welcome to another Clip Show! Here are some things that were lingering in open tabs for a while that I intended to use or share, but haven’t found a proper post within which to do so. I encourage you to click the links and explore, watch the videos here and enjoy. Hopefully there is something for everyone.

I don’t normally reference Fox News as a source of reason, but here is a great interview with actress Maura Tierney discussing her experience with chemotherapy:

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/09/26/er-star-maura-tierney-debunks-chemo-myths-after-breast-cancer/

Continue reading Clip Show: Cancer Edition 2 →

Dinner With Friends: A Healthy Recipe for Healing

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As in all things, it is important to remain grounded and retain good humor. While I have been fortunate enough to have a supportive family, I have found that one particular activity has been especially effective in reminding me about who I am and what I aspired to as a younger man. I don’t do it often, but it gives me a chance to largely forgo maudlin conversations and getting sucked into pseudo-therapy or endless medical recommendations or even just additional reminders of what I am dealing with every day. I position this, in spite of (or perhaps because of) its relative infrequency, at the top of my list of desirable, repeatable events: dinner with old friends.

The friends referenced need to be of the “knew you when” variety. While dinner with new good friends is terrific (or coffee, or whatever friends do when they are just hanging out these days), such new friends are likely in the thick of it with you right now. It’s a different vibe. Spending time with them is great, meaningful and hopefully supportive in the best ways. But they cannot bring with them that sense of history, served best by those who you have not seen much of in years or at least long enough not to be deeply associated with the current process of therapy, from diagnosis and beyond.

This evening I had been out to dinner with four college roommates with whom I remain in touch and who still live locally (at least when their jobs don’t have them in some more exotic locale). The timing was great, as one just flew in from overseas yesterday and another is flying out tomorrow for the East Coast and the third, nearly on par with the travel obstacles, drove in from the Westside of LA to meet with the rest of us downtown. The locale was a

Continue reading Dinner With Friends: A Healthy Recipe for Healing →

Why I Kept My Cancer Private

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In this age of social media, some people might question why I kept quiet about my cancer treatment for as long as I did. There were some very simple reasons for me — in spite of the fact that I was writing a blog about it the whole time. (If you are learning about my experience for the first time, that link is a good place to start reading after you are done here.) Essentially, however, I wanted to keep my personal life separate from what I felt might otherwise define me in the eyes of others. This was a short-term issue, I realized, because at some point the nature of living with an inoperable cancer is that it does define much of a patient’s life, regardless of how much one might prefer otherwise. So I decided to try the slow roll out of information and, to be quite honest, it has served me well (and I also think it has been good for many of the people in my life, too).

When I received my initial diagnosis, there were certain people, mainly family members, who already knew that I had some health issues that were being investigated. In addition to my immediate family, there were also my employers and maybe one or two other people who had to be in the loop, and I knew I would tell these people right away when I had all the information.

As part of my research, before I had any solid diagnosis, I had already gone through pretty much every possible scenario in my head and followed up online to gather information on what any potential diagnosis would mean. Along the way, I also discovered that
Continue reading Why I Kept My Cancer Private →

Integrative Medicine, Positive Care and Negative Ramifications

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If we, as a society, could allocate just an additional $120 million each year toward research and development of new cancer treatments, that would seem like a great idea. Because there is a lot of money out there already directed at existing therapies, running clinical trials of proven concepts and supporting the refinement of effective treatments already in existence, it also seems like a great idea to take this $120 million and direct it toward new concepts and approaches that are not yet mainstreamed into Western Medicine. This is the reason, I suspect, that over the past twenty years or so, Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM) has morphed into Integrative Medicine and has been granted enormous research subsidies and acceptance within many mainstream health institutions. Allocating even a mere $120 million is a huge responsibility, so it also seems like it would be a great idea to carefully vet the areas on which the funding will be spent.

Here is some amazing news: the actual amount of government funding for research on Complementary and Alternative Medicine in 2015 and 2016 has reached $369 and $378 million annually, according to the National Institute of Health. This should be a Golden Age of Medical Advancement! Sizable annual funding being made available outside of the mainstream of modern medicine must be the answer to why there has been no definitive Cancer Cure.

Only it isn’t. And the reason is Continue reading Integrative Medicine, Positive Care and Negative Ramifications →

Embrace the Bad Stuff, It’s Good for You

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Nobody likes slogging through the shit. That’s pretty safe to say. But sometimes it must be done, whether we like it or not. If there are going to be hardships, we are told to look for a “Silver Lining,” as though our upside-down umbrella will magically fill with pennies. In the shit, those pennies might be damn near impossible to see.

Many people retreat as a first resort. Hide from the problems rather than face them. I would go so far as to suggest that such behavior is basic human nature: fight or flight syndrome, where running from danger is our first instinct — until we are cornered. The problem with health issues such as Cancer is that, whether one wants to admit it or not, the patient is ostensibly cornered before there is even a proper diagnosis. So any flight that may be attempted is not only in vain, it is illusionary. Being the ostrich may offer a temporary sense of calm to some people, but it also does nothing to help move through the difficulty and onward toward a better existence.

Self-help gurus and the proponents of countless “programs,” and also probably my mother at some point, have said that we grow through our challenges. In truth, it is the struggles in life both big and small that build what we call “character.” That nebulous term applies Continue reading Embrace the Bad Stuff, It’s Good for You →

Not Dead Yet, No Matter What You May Have Read

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A person I know quite well — and with whom I recently have had several lengthy conversations about my current state of affairs — offered an interesting appraisal of her understanding of my health and well-being to my wife. She said, rather unceremoniously, that she had expected me to be dying. In fact, she seemed quite surprised (and possibly a bit put off) by how healthy I appeared. Turns out, I have news for her:

I’m not dead yet.

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In fact, here I am, looking quite well (and dare I say “dashing”) in my new progressive lenses picked up today to aid my aging eyes. True, after over 15 years of having a stable prescription, the chemotherapy seems to have begun affecting my vision ever so slightly, at least in the first couple of feet. So this minor side effect has required me to jump straight into trifocal territory. Aside from the minor “swimmy” effect of turning my head side to side while looking through the “mid-range” section, these are actually quite amazing. But that isn’t really what this entry is about, so I’m going to move along.

The thing that most startled me, and which I actually took some offense at, was the notion that a person who is not stupid managed to ignore virtually everything that she had been told about my condition, the state of cancer research and, perhaps most importantly, why statistics do not tell a whole story, or often even a remotely correct one. And what did this person rely upon to make up her mind about what I was going through and my prognosis for continuing life?

Continue reading Not Dead Yet, No Matter What You May Have Read →

Narratives Matter, Beginning to End

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On the heels of a recent discussion on changing the Narrative of Cancer as a means to enable better communication and understanding with regard to the hundreds of cancer variants, I came across a very interesting article on a closely related topic: changing the Narrative of Dying. Far from being a depressing or downbeat approach, the article discusses the need for reevaluating our collective understanding of the “end of life” process in order to facilitate a healthier and happier means for saying our goodbyes without forgetting that, until the last moment, we are all still living and participating in this world. It touches on some important ideas, pivoting about the notion that our system, our society, marginalizes and fears death and, more specifically, the process of dying. Yet, death is as much a part of our existence as birth.
Continue reading Narratives Matter, Beginning to End →