Tag Archives: Positivity

The Chemo Diaries: Year 3 Begins!

December 2014 marked the beginning of my chemotherapy, and two full years are now complete. This already puts me well beyond the “statistical expectation” for continuing to kick around, allowing me to enjoy another holiday season with my family and, for better or worse, getting me closer to my goal of actually going back to work full-time at some point in the (hopefully not too distant) future. A third year on chemotherapy may have seemed like a remote option at one point, something that was a distant hope not to be taken for granted, but now is an accepted part of my ongoing plan, the “new normal” that has been often talked about, what I have simply become quite used to in my daily existence.

 

Me walking around Disneyland with pneumonia while celebrating the results of my most recent CT scan.

So I take a moment to sit in my gratitude for what modern medical science has afforded me. As I write this, I am one day past my infusion, feeling only moderately tired because I woke at 3:30am and was unable to get back to sleep due to the way my steroids get my brain spinning in the night. Ironically, that same effect does not seem to occur during the day, when my mental capacities tend more toward fatigue and fog as the hours progress. Chalk that incongruity up to sleep deprivation, I suppose. The good news is that the steroids will have mostly worn off by tonight and, with any luck, I’ll be back to sleeping — or at least being able to go back to sleep — mostly through the night.

And yes, I went on plenty of rides. Can’t get me enough of those perilous romps through neon storybooks.

A month or two ago, I had a discussion with my oncologist about how I felt fewer side effects from the chemo, as though it had become progressively easier for me to tolerate over the past year, and especially over recent months. It gave him pause because, he informed me, the body does not generally “learn” to process the chemotherapy drugs more efficiently and patients do not build up a tolerance to the chemicals. If that were happening, for whatever reason, it might indicate that the drugs would no longer work due to being processed out of the system too rapidly. My most recent scan, taken last month, clearly indicated that the chemotherapy is still working the same that it had been — so obviously the infusions are effective at doing what they are supposed to be doing. The observation that I am left with, then, is that most likely I am simply used to dealing with the symptoms to a greater degree. Drilling down a bit more, however, there have been a few changes made in my routine after the infusion, specifically trying to be more active even on my more difficult days. My oncologist confirmed that this approach was most likely responsible for how I am “recovering more quickly” than I had been earlier in my treatment. Continue reading The Chemo Diaries: Year 3 Begins!

The Downside to Cancer

It’s hard these days to get away from the media barrage about all the perks a patient or caregiver gets out of a cancer diagnosis. Heck, with all the promised government handouts, it seems like everyone is going to want to get in on the action. But it is important to realize, in spite of all the hype to the contrary, that there is, in fact, a downside to cancer.

Why You May Want To Avoid Cancer

It’s true that easy access to handicapped parking can make life a lot easier, and a significant progression of disease is a sure-fire way to qualify for fancy license plates or those special passes you can hang from your rearview mirror. Some cancer diagnoses are practically like getting free money thanks to liberal disability benefits. But did you know that to take advantage of these special opportunities, a patient is required to spend literally hours of his or her personal time filling out paperwork? As if it weren’t bad enough dealing with the required documents and dancing through flimsy strands of red tape, the patient must also keep payroll records, IRS forms, and proof of the medical condition. Warning: if you hate paperwork and record-keeping, cancer may not be for you! 

Lying back in the chair for a chemotherapy infusion.
Settling in for a long winter’s nap.

While we are on the topic of busy work, it is probably important to mention other ways in which cancer can suck your time away. Treatment is time-consuming. While this well-kept secret is the shame of the medical community, it is undeniable that doctors, clinics and pharmaceutical companies have conspired to generate lots and lots of billable hours in the form of repeated scans, surgeries that require lengthy hospital stays, and infusions that can take up to ten hours at a time — and then have to be repeated over and over again. This doesn’t even touch on going in for biopsies, radiotherapy or any of the ancillary tests that might be required to “ensure a complete understanding” of a patient’s condition. Warning: if you have other things you’d rather do with your time, cancer may not be for you! Continue reading The Downside to Cancer

The Chemo Diaries Year 2 Wrap Up Audio Edition!

This is an excerpt of my podcast, The Deep Breath. To hear the full 24 glorious minutes, including the explanation for my especially raspy voice (hint, it isn’t because of the cancer), please follow this link to my Patreon Page that hosts the podcasts. In celebration of Thanksgiving and the upcoming completion of 24 months of chemotherapy (there does seem to be a theme to the numbers here), this episode is completely free to listen to even if you are not yet one of my subscribers and patrons of this site.

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Jeffrey Poehlmann speaking at the 2016 Breathe Free Walk to End Lung Cancer

Breathe Free Walk 2016 Recap

It’s been over a week now since I spoke at the First Annual Breathe Free Walk to End Lung Cancer, which gave me a unique opportunity to connect with a few caregivers and fellow patients. I was honored to be able to offer some (non-medical) advice and reassurance, as well as to hear the heartfelt stories that I was lucky enough to have shared with me. Although I previously posted the transcript of my short speech, I’m including a video of it below, along with the opening remarks provided by the event’s beneficiaries, the American Lung Association and the American Cancer Society.

Since returning to Los Angeles, I continued to participate in Lung Cancer Awareness Month by attending the Shine a Light event hosted by Huntington Memorial Hospital, where I had been a speaker last year.

Gratitude, Thanks and Appreciation

Continue reading Breathe Free Walk 2016 Recap

The Breathe Free Walk to End Lung Cancer

I am speaking at the First Annual Breathe Free Walk to End Lung Cancer sponsored by the American Lung Association and the American Cancer Society. The walk is designed to raise awareness of Lung Cancer and funding for research. Following is a transcript of my brief comments to take place before the walk.


November 6, 2016 : Opening Remarks for the Breathe Free Walk to End Lung Cancer, Fort Mill, South Carolina

I’m pretty darn happy to be here. Two years ago today, I was diagnosed with inoperable metastatic adenocarcinoma, more commonly referred to under the umbrella term of Stage IV Lung Cancer. As a relatively young non-smoker who ate healthy food and led an active lifestyle, took my vitamins and got plenty of sleep, you might imagine that this diagnosis was a bit of a surprise. But if you’ve followed my story on my blog, as I know some of you have, then you also know that when I started this journey I did so with a substantial amount of faith. That same faith is shared by the organizations sponsoring this event, and by proxy, it is shared by you who have come here today. And that is faith in modern medical science.

We all have faith in lots of things. And there are different types of faith, to be certain. Spiritual faith often plays a key role in the emotional health of patients, perhaps making it possible for them to endure difficult treatments or to remind them that there is something greater of which they are an important part. Faith in our friends and family can be essential as we worry about things we may not be able to take care of on our own, even for those of us who have a hard time leaning on others. These expressions of faith, they allow us to trust in some kind of a safety net that will be there in the event that we are pushed or slip or even jump headlong. And undergoing treatment can feel any of those ways. Continue reading The Breathe Free Walk to End Lung Cancer

Raising Awareness About Lung Cancer

After the interview with Olivia of CN2 News in South Carolina.
After the interview with Olivia of CN2 News in South Carolina.

I was fortunate enough this morning to have reasonably good hair and a beautiful background for a quickly set-up interview in support of this weekend’s Breathe Free Walk to End Lung Cancer. The walk is taking place this Sunday afternoon, the “first annual” fundraising event co-sponsored by the American Lung Association and the American Cancer Society.

If you check back on Sunday, I’ll be posting the speech that will lead off the walk. There is a chance that the local news will be back to cover it, and maybe they will end up airing a bit more of the interview we did today. Below is the one-minute clip that aired during the newscast.

https://vimeo.com/190312571

November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month.

I look forward to leading off the First Annual Breathe Free Walk To End Lung Cancer in Fort Mill, South Carolina. It is exciting to be a part of a new awareness campaign, and I’m especially proud that my mother has organized this walk. She brought the concept to the co-sponsors earlier this year and worked with them, as well as local organizations to get the walk set up in time for Lung Cancer Awareness Month.

Breathe Free is a fundraiser dedicated to lung cancer research
Join the Breathe Free Walk to End Lung Cancer

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Thank you!

The End of Life and How to Die

I was going to write about working without wearing any pants, and how pantsless careers are sort of ideal, but instead I am going to offer some thoughts on death and dying.

Most of my mornings begin like this: the low-impact sport of serving up espresso drinks at my daughter’s school followed by a cool down period of errands on the way home. Sometimes, since this is Los Angeles and there is always a bit of traffic to contend with, I have time for a phone conversation or to catch up on my quota of NPR. The ride home also gives me time to ruminate on important issues and subjects for my blog. Sometimes a conversation sparks a new thought process, twists the direction I had planned on going or otherwise derails what would have been a perfectly good fluff piece. By way of example, I recently conversed with my mother about my father’s final days, thus running the train of intention for this post completely off the rails. Continue reading The End of Life and How to Die

Support My Site in September and get My Book Free!

Staring at my budget with blurred eyes and a brain addled by a host of fun chemicals, I have to pinch myself and remind myself there are reasons that I chose the long game; there are reasons I passed over GoFundMe or GiveForward or any of the other single-goal fundraising websites my friends have used wisely to bridge specific financial gaps. I’ve seen those sites work super effectively, raising $3,000 or more in less than a week while targeting figures high enough to cover a host of potential costs ahead. For those friends, who would be “out of the woods” in a few months or so, where all their resources will be expended in a concentrated time, I think the outreach and the community reciprocity is amazing and a great testament to compassion within our social groups. But I’m not hard-wired that way, and my condition is not so neatly tied up in a closed time-frame.

Longer stretch, earning smaller frequent support goals

img_20151130_120725At this point, though it could change, I am on this merry-go-round every three weeks until I die — preferably quite a few years from now. And while I am still riding my chosen horse (a big, jet-black unicorn with a dangerously sharp silver horn, if you must know), I have a lot that I want to accomplish. I can’t manage a job for more than an hour or two most mornings, so I haven’t been traditionally employed for over two years. And yet, I have so much work to do! Like my book on living well with advanced cancer, getting on with life in spite of new limitations and finding the very best of ourselves along theway. Continue reading Support My Site in September and get My Book Free!

Meant To Be

On a recent morning commute, I was stuck behind a car that I coveted. It was only for a moment before traffic split off and I chugged ahead in my aging vehicle, but it was enough time for my brain to process this thought: “well, if I was meant to have a car like that…” If only it was meant to be. I caught myself, teetering on the precipice of that trap, and yanked myself back before slipping all the way over the edge.

If only it was meant to be.

The notion that anything in our lives was meant to be is a dangerous concept. People use it to soothe their despair, to give meaning to tragedy or otherwise cope in circumstances that they feel powerless over. But it is a notion that suggests that we should also give up, give in or otherwise simply accept that truly shitty things are meant for us, while other people are meant for luxury or power or even just a simple happiness of some sort that is uniquely theirs. It suggests that if we do not have that good stuff, we do not deserve it, but that whatever crap we are coated in is truly, divinely ours. Continue reading Meant To Be

On Being a Jack-Ass and Accepting that You Are Loved

When we are going through difficult times, it is easy to get lost in the mess of it all. It’s easy to get depressed, to surround ourselves with thoughts of doom, to hide in the shadows. What is not so easy is getting our weary selves out into the light, to wear the smile that reminds us of the joy lurking around unexpected corners, and to keep focusing on the true business of living that we really ought to be engaged in at every available moment.

Every now and again, we need to be reminded about all of this, each of us. And it is great when we stumble across a voice that speaks to us in a way that cuts through the BS. I am going to share a piece of writing that, I think, speaks a bit of clear truth that is worth paying attention to.

The following was written by Eugene Belitsky, posting to his Facebook feed. I “met” Eugene through Facebook, I suppose, after I read some post of his (or maybe he read one of mine). It’s only been about a month, but I’m claiming chemo brain for not remembering; all I can say is that he inspired me with the way he was dealing with his recent cancer diagnosis, refusing to let that diagnosis deprive him of his humor and his joy. And I saw some similarities in our lives: we both have a young child, we both dislike snake oil salesmen and I think we have a similar sense of humor. So I have followed Eugene’s story and then about three weeks into our deepening relationship, he wrote this wizz-dinger. I immediately told him I wanted to post it here. Fortunately for you, he graciously replied that, indeed, I could. Eugene Gives Permission!

Eugene Belitsky

Continue reading On Being a Jack-Ass and Accepting that You Are Loved