In conversation with my mother, we began talking, as we often do, about politics. She related to me a story about how at a dinner party recently the topic of Ted Cruz came up and how he was receiving support from some of the more conservative members of the dinner party. One of the things that they raised as a positive issue was his opposition to gay marriage, in spite of the fact that, apparently, there were several gay or lesbian friends at this party. That alone seemed pretty uncool, but tact isn’t the point here. My mother’s response was that it isn’t the place of the government to police lifestyle options or the choice of homosexuals to publicly live that way. This is where I put the breaks on the conversation. Lifestyle options and choice are not matters that truly, empirically figure into the equation of whether homosexual, transgender or bisexual individuals are deserving of the same rights and privileges of their sexually straight counterparts, by which I mean fellow citizens. These words are linguistic tools that actually hamper the progress of our understanding by being misleading and, ultimately serve to enforce the stereotypes that the Far Right uses to suppress rights of individuals. As long as the narrative remains unchanged, progress does not occur. Continue reading Changing the Narrative Through Language
Category Archives: Reason
The Chemo Diaries Round Five: Infusion Day
Okay, coming in for round five of six may not be quite as sexy as spending time with Seven of Nine, but it isn’t without its perks today. For one, check out today’s accommodations! I may have to squeeze in a nap, just to take advantage.
Plus, apparently I have managed to gain ten pounds over the past month or so, perplexing the medical staff who are now curious about my diet and exercise… Let’s just say, it hasn’t been my exercise, and maybe that is part of it. Continue reading The Chemo Diaries Round Five: Infusion Day
Guilt of the Patient
Genuinely, I sometimes wonder when I hear stories of other cancer patients who are suffering so much worse than me with their treatments, whether I should feel guilty about how well I appear to be doing, comparatively. It is an irrational reaction, of course, as I am not responsible for how other people respond to their chosen treatments, nor do I have any level of control over their physical health either before or after their cancer was discovered. Yet it pains me to hear these stories and realize that there is so little I can offer to ease the suffering.
In many of these cases, the patient remains upbeat, even happy, throughout the story. Tougher than I, these characters. Stronger of will, because they endure more by choice, determined to lick their adversary. And lick it they shall, because these are cancers that, even far along, can now be cured or, more practically speaking, be diminished to the point of near eradication. And this, in spite of the heavier toll paid for the intense beat down of the chemo cocktail, makes me feel a little jealous. And that jealousy makes me feel guilty, too.
And then along comes my friend, Carlos. A refuge from El Salvador, Carlos came to California with the hope of finding some treatment for his leukemia. He is a slight fellow, but only on the outside.
Continue reading Guilt of the Patient
Survival Rate Statistics and What They Don’t Tell You
The other day I was having a discussion and it came to light that statistics had been bandied about quite early in my post-diagnostic journey. Now, I’m no stranger to statistics, but odds are that, whether you realize it or not, most of you are. That is not to say you have never heard any quoted or identified yourselves among some figure cited here or there… The truth is, one way or another, we are all statistics. And that means, well, virtually nothing. Moreover, even if one out of ten of us understands that even if the median reader gave up two sentences ago and clicked off this page, some readers will actually read most or maybe even all of what I am typing up here, this understanding is still only a basic understanding of a type of statistical qualifier and hardly bridges the gap between acquaintance and friend.
Which is all just a very wordy way of saying that statistics should only be read when one is prepared to interpret them, and while interpreting them it is important to remember that they often cannot highlight a “truth” without refined analysis. Such is the case with the statistical survival rates of adenocarcinoma, my particular flavor of cancer.
By the time I had received my diagnosis, Continue reading Survival Rate Statistics and What They Don’t Tell You
Just Because It Works In a Dish Does Not Mean It Is A Cure
In cancer research, there are a multitude of reasons why a compound may look promising for use in a cancer drug. Passionate and caring people put countless hours into looking for new ways to disrupt the biological processes of cancer cells that won’t harm healthy cell development. Theory after theory must be tested and then move from paper arguments into the laboratory. The first step in the lab will be along the lines of testing a culture of human cancer cells in a little petri dish under a microscope. Then, if that step is successful, growing tumors on mice to see if those can also be effectively killed off while leaving the mice unharmed. And yet, for still another multitude of reasons, successfully killing cancer in a dish or on mice does not mean that substance is an effective cure for human cancer.
Here is a brief explanation of why. Continue reading Just Because It Works In a Dish Does Not Mean It Is A Cure
Well Intentioned Advice, Generally Speaking Ain’t So Grand
I’ve gotten a lot of good advice from well-informed people over the past few months. And I mean that. As I have discussed the factors of my cancer with peers, a lot of truly interesting and promising information has come out. Of course, there has been a lot of well-intentioned advice that has come around, too, without any of what I would call “proper vetting.” While I appreciate all of the advice, because it truly appears to be heartfelt and sincere, I’ll admit to it causing an overload of research. This is especially true of the well-intentioned variety, which I separate from the well-informed not so much based on the desire to help as by the ability to be helpful. Continue reading Well Intentioned Advice, Generally Speaking Ain’t So Grand
The True Meaning of Christmas, or Don’t Let Religion Ruin the Holidays
Christmas is quickly coming upon us — at least those of us who celebrate the holiday. True believers, and by that I do not necessarily mean believers in Truth, will have us know that this is the time when we celebrate the birth of their favorite martyr, Jesus Christ. They will tell you that the focus of this holiday is meant to be upon the deeds and messages of the Christ, and they will occasionally complain about the commercialized nature of the holiday. On that last point, I agree with them wholeheartedly. Too many people seem to believe that Christmas is about celebrating excess consumerism, branded marketing and petty indulgences. Yet the real meaning of the holiday isn’t exactly either of those extremes.
Continue reading The True Meaning of Christmas, or Don’t Let Religion Ruin the Holidays
When Being Unfortunate is Good Fortune
People talk about luck all the time. Good luck that this happened, bad luck that that happened. It is spoken of as if “luck” is an actual thing, with a consciousness or purpose. Yet, rationally, we should all understand that luck does not exist. There is “chance.” There are “odds.” But there is no such thing as luck outside of an emotional response to fortune (or lack of it). That is to say, one might feel fortunate if, for instance, one were to be diagnosed with a chronic disease early enough to do something to stem the tide, or live in a country where the survival rates are generally above 50 percent and increasing rather than decreasing.
Of course, there are those who would be in a wealthy country with cutting edge healthcare and an early diagnosis who would still only see their personal misfortune with such a diagnosis. But this isn’t about those pathetically myopic individuals, this is about the reason we should be glad we don’t live in India. And if you happen to be reading this from within the borders of India, my apologies, but hopefully you are a politically motivated activist with the means to make your voice heard.
Continue reading When Being Unfortunate is Good Fortune
Luck Is a Rotten Concept (and therefore definitely bad for you)
I’ve always considered myself a pretty lucky guy. Really, even now, there is plenty of reason to feel as though I have led a blessed existence. But if I hear one more person suggest that getting cancer is “bad luck” or that I need some “good luck” to cure it, I may just pop a cork.
Let’s get one thing straight: luck does not really exist.
There is a story in one of my daughter’s picture books about a farmer who has bad luck, but it turns out to be really good luck, but leads to something bad which also turns out to be fortunate… Luck is a concept that leads nowhere except back upon itself.
Here are some other things that do not really exist: karma, providence, fate. These are concepts that fall into the realm of belief for many people, through their philosophical visions of the world or their religion. But they are not real things that act upon us or respond to our own actions. They are concepts which we can use to qualify the world around us as we see fit, but that is about where it ends. When I say that I consider myself lucky, I really mean that I have been fortunate. And that is true, I feel fortunate. I have been in places that seemed right for me at the time. I have had experiences that appeared to be just what I needed when they happened. But I don’t think that there was any level of destiny involved.
In fact, I am sure that were those experiences not to have happened or if my geography were different, I would have found some comparable sensation of things going correctly for my life in some other way. We, as humans, have a unique ability to draw correlations and spot “coincidences” (another thing that does not really exist in a broad, deliberate sense) because humans love patterns. Humans love things to be happening for a purpose. Humans love the idea that there is a bigger plan out there drawing them through life.
But it doesn’t work that way. Not really. And yet, this should not stop us from appreciating the connections we see, appraising the fortune in our existences and being open to the beauty of it all.
The problem occurs when it is treated too literally. This stops people from being an active part of their own lives to some degree, and it certainly alters the level of personal responsibility in some way, whether skewing it high or low. On one hand, there is the notion of karma, which indicates that we have a far, far higher level of control in how our fortunes evolve. The flip side to that is the notion of luck, which basically means that we have no control whatsoever. Neither of those is absolutely true, though a certain bit of each undeniably plays into our personal experience. Certainly, if we create an action, it will have consequences, thus playing into the concept of karma with the occasional minor bit of accuracy. And certainly there are things that are entirely out of our direct control that can affect us positively (winning the lottery) or negatively (winning the lottery) depending on how our ensuing responses play out. Or a plane can fly into your house and kill everyone. That is pretty bad luck, but probably not strictly karmic, unless you have been really, really bad.
When I step outside and breath in the fresh morning air, it reminds me of how good it is to be alive. I try to take stock of the things I have to be grateful for every day, because I have seen how fragile our existence is and how ephemeral most of the things of this world truly are. I pay attention to the state of the planet, the interplay of nations and the goings on in my own backyard and then I consider my own personal space and the imaginary fence that runs protectively around my family.
The simple facts of my life cannot be undervalued to me and yet at times I wonder how — and more importantly, why — I have been in the position to have this level of good fortune. I was born into a nice family through no fault nor predisposition of my own. I’ve been gifted with certain levels of security all my life that many other people have never had the privilege of experiencing. And these things are inherently unfair in the broader scheme of the world. Thus, counting my fortunes also makes me feel somewhat responsible for spreading them. If I cannot exactly share my level of modest security or my largely trauma-free upbringing, I have to find some other way to share and improve the world around me.
For many years, I’ve sought to do this with the tool of ideas, and I realize that may not be enough. So I continue to look for ways to bring my feeling of good fortune out into the world for others. And it is a sensibility I would like to extend to my fellow human citizens of the world. While “luck” may well be a pretty rotten concept for the simple reason that it absolves the believer of responsibility, the notion of good fortune, earned or otherwise, is somewhat different. Fortunes are meant to be shared, not horded. And if those fortunes are emotional or intellectual or whatever, they can benefit a wider society just as easily as if they were monetary. And perhaps even more so. But as a culture, we never will know until more people focus on spreading their fortunes, an act that cannot even begin until those people acknowledge the fortunes they already have.
Rejecting Research Is Never a Good Option
As a person living with cancer, I get suggestions all the time to look at non-medical treatments. By this, I mean mainly nutritional or holistic approaches that are meant to directly replace the use of “Western” medicine. Each suggestion comes with an anecdotal reference to someone who was “cured” by these methods, which range from the clearly bizarre to sensible health choices. Digging deeper, of course, reveals that every verifiable success story includes the use of early surgery or extensive chemo and radiation therapies.
And none of them, so far, have applied directly to my particular brand of cancer.
It doesn’t bother me so much to